We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
