You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
