i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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