I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
