were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
