Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
