you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize