last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize