wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
