mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
