just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
3pm strippers are depressing
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
