last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
