Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
