I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
