I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
