I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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