Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
