Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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