i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I currently don't understand fingers.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
