sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
What happened to fro yo and sex?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
