I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
