everyone is single if you try hard enough
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
