butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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