It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
