Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
