Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
