i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My feet surprised me
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
