walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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