I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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