did you get engaged???
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize