mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
