you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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