"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
There are leaves in my underwear?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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