we have pet lesbian snakes
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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