Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
