cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
