what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
