I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
