I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
