Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
