Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
