True but thats because hes a fetus.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
