It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
