im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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