the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
