Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
