You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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