haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
