so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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