weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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