Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
