She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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