I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i think i scared a bird with my dick
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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