I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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