i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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