I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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