Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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