I'm eating all of the evidence.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
