It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
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