We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
