You're completely useless in the revolution.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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