I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
