Can Purell be used as lube?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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