I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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