Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
