Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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